My Evening...

After seeing the second most horrifying movie, The Strangers, ever (first is requiem for a dream) and freaking G (love you G) out on the way home to the verge of tears, I drove home, sat in my car and called my dad twice to come to the door. I had absolutely no courage to walk to the house in the dark without my dad at the door. I call. no answer. i call again. no answer. he must be asleep.

"ok. alex. you can do this. its just a few yards. the porch light is on, no one, NO ONE is at the end of your driveway waiting for you. no one is in your closet. everything is fine. just walk to the door, you can say a prayer. its ok..."

so i get to the door, alive and then i come to my room and sit on my bed.

on the ground is a huge. HUGE! spider.

Great.

i grab the empty glass on my bedside table and put it over it. i start thinking "what am i gonna do?! should i kill it?!"

maybe it will die on its own.i decide to reply to N's email (miss you N) and try to forget about the spider...

i look over and it's crawling in circles... how depressing, i'm driving the spider to insanity.

i look away, finishing the email.

then i look back and it's not moving. i killed the spider! i don't know why but tears start swelling up in my eyes, maybe I was impacted by the movie or something. but I don't want to be responsible for the death of this spider!

(movement)

"!", i thought.

"It's alive!"

i push my pamphlet from the Getty(they're having a cool exhibit - check it out) under there and try to lift it. the pamphlet is too flimsy!

if i lift it the spider will escape. i don't want to kill it but i don't want to die either!

ok. i need something flat but stiff like a board. i see nothing.

the cutting board!

i run to the kitchen, grab the cutting board and slide it under the pamphlet and glass. i slowly walk to the back door, eye on the spider, unlock the door, place the cutting board on the ground lift the glass and promptly close the door.

i wrote my parents a note explaining why the cutting board is outside.

But, I did NOT kill the spider.

:)

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In other news, I have decided life would be easier if I had rewind/pause/flash forward buttons.

Rewind for when I say/do something without thinking (= allllll the time) and regret it afterwards.

Pause for those moments that need to be taken in for longer than the time naturally alloted. and for those time where I need to gather my thoughts and emotions and get it together! AND when I need a nap but have no time to take one.

Fast Forward because I am SOOOO excited for the future I just want it to be here! Also, because life can be hard and I wish I could just skip the hard parts...

I guess having such buttons would take the learning out of life, Climbing up the Hill wouldn't be as fulfilling and I wouldn't be grabbing my Prayers & Meditations as often...

That makes me think of that time a friend of mine said, "Life should be easy. Everything should just be simple and easy." I looked at them in complete confusion. "Did those words just come out of their mouth?!" I quickly responded, "what would be the point of existence then?!"

So I guess having those buttons would make life too easy which in turn would make life less satisfying and beautiful.

remember?! The Beautiful Challenge.

p.s. how completely unrelated are these two entries?! welcome to my world.

love.

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tuning: April by Sun Kil Moon