on becoming and crying

A Defeated Soldier Wishes To Walk His Daughter Down The Wedding Aisle by Dario Robleto
(this moved me)
-other really great titles of Robleto's work included: Time Measures Nothing But This Love. An Instinct Toward Life Only A Phantom Can Know. No One Has A Monopoly Over Sorrow. War Pigeon With a Message (Love Survives the Death of Cells). Heaven Is Being A Memory Of Others....
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so. without holding back, and ignoring the fact that i doubt my ability to turn my thoughts and feelings into articulate and comprehensible words (or as i like to look at it heart-to-heart) i am going to describe today(and i am binding today to all of my days. at least the ones that really surpassed in value) in relation to where i've reached (in my own way). (this is confusing, no?)

ferry boats:
i've heard and noticed that we spend a lot of our lives in transportation. my transportation of choice will forever be ferry boats (and trains. but that is slightly irrelevant). it is surly the most scenic route. the most serene route. the most spacious route.
getting on the boat and standing at the front tip meeting the wind. noticing how the trees on each island reach to the foot of the shore proving how calm the water is and how the clouds float so close above head that you actually feel closer to God and dreams and stars and weightlessness. floating on silver water and understanding depth as the color of beyond looks more translucent as it extends but becomes closer and closer. (dreams turning into realities)

orcas island:
Orcas is a land for lessons. every time i've spent on this island i have gained lessons. tricks. feelings so precious. most of my growth has been initiated by things i've learned and gained on this island or have at least triggered my own revelations.

here i have learned:
about my own ignorance.
the importance of relativity.
how to see.
what color is.
that i need to learn all the rules before i can break them.
of William Stafford.
what a "thank you" really does.
what i never will become.
what i will forever strive to become.
the impact of words.
to fall in love with coffee.
and blackberries.
how to make a pie.
chapter 1 in what love is.
of Milan Kundera.
of appreciation for Klimt.
that i am a capable individual.
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i sat in the car today on our way out of Seattle and i could feel my mind expanding.
i am more capable and tolerant of silence than i ever have been and simple things have triggered pounds of emotion to burst out of my heart.

things that have triggered pounds of emotion to burst out of my heart:

.i saw a flock of birds flying across a freeway. it was the first time i was so moved by their togetherness and unity.
.last year when i came to orcas for two weeks by myself, my aunt presented me with a book . i started it a month ago and i am almost finished. its beautifully written and provokes so many thoughts and ideas. i'll read something i've never thought of before and spend days trying to understand it better. its provoking and arousing. it feels full circle to have received the book here but a year ago and now i'm finishing it here.
.i found a moleskine on sale(!)
.i've picked up 2 new books: The Unbearable Lightness of Being and The History of Love
.i've discovered a new favorite museum: the Frye Art Museum.
.and a new artist to admire: Dario Robleto
.Heaven is Being a Memory to Others
.walking through Pike Place.
.the post today from The Submerged Submersible

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i'm not quite finished yet

i cry easily. i've heard i'm impressionable. for a while i disagreed. it sounded so distasteful. then i understood it better and agreed. now i choose to see it differently. now, i've come to realize that i seek to have wide-eyes. i want to feel as much as possible in this world. this explains a lot. why i love the rain so so much. why i feel as though I am obligated to acknowledge every tree i see. why looking at someone can cause tears (things like a smile, or a laugh, or just those gestures that make us who we are or rather greater than what we tend to see ourselves as. tend to conduct ourselves as. tend to treat others as.) why reading something from someone and knowing, positively, that they mean it. they really mean it. that causes tears. humanness causes tears. and when i see righteous attempt of humans to surpass their humanness or rather human nature or rather human habit: tears. the act of opening my P&M has caused tears. thinking of why it snowed on January 7 prompts tears....