oh, the places i will go...

possibilities in snow

....

somehow i know i've been to them all ready

i've memorized the shape of trees and the patterns in the sidewalk

the number of steps it will take to reach a front door

and the scent. the feel. the tendency. the mood of air.

i know that when i get to these places

the air will loosen,

i will enter,

and then it will gather towards me and secure itself.

until i become ready to move along.

until i sculpt out another mold.

(until the air grows tired.

until it weakens.

until i begin to float.)

8 years old and i remember seeing myself in places.

places. s. never stationary. always moving.

and yet i have always lived here.

small journeys lasting no longer than a month. China. Italy. France. the Navajo nation.

falling asleep in unfamiliar cities. awaking and walking through streets.

collecting leaves. and navigating corners. talking to store clerks. experiencing sunsets.

but home has always been here.

conversations are internalized. i hit the rewind button before i close my eyes.

i struggle to take it in. i look around me often,

as if it will disappear.

but it is disappearing.

where does the time go?

(soundscapes:

the tick of a clock in the distance.

outside. i can hear cars traversing 3 blocks away.

the wood floors are adjusting themselves.

somehow the silence has a richness.

a heavy cargo its ready to retire.

i can relate to that.)

i can relate to that.

the thickness of silence. so weighty it isn't silent anymore.

and then you're ready to go to sleep.

you're afraid of what it carries. what it has to. needs to say.

so you sleep. and somehow it reveals itself in dreams.

and it never really shocked you because you had an idea of what it would speak already.

despite foreign. unfamiliar. alien.

i will still have:

the color of the moon. the inescapable wind.

the existence of air. and the feeling of the ocean on my feet.

and the hope for rain.

...

to: recognizing (and appreciating) my constants in hopes of understanding (and appreciating) my variables.