silent night

sitting at the dinner table at 1:20. eating green grapes.

never before have i had such a strong desire to sit across from someone and talk to them. maybe it was the fact the i spent the entire day with people and now i am abruptly alone. maybe it was because my home was eerily silent. i've come home to a quite house, my parents go to sleep early, but tonight it felt like i was alone. not even noise outside. maybe its the fact that the change that lies ahead is prompting an urge to interact|communicate|speak with others. familars and strangers.

an experience: a few days ago i checked out a new boutique that has opened in south pas. i walked in and the lady at the counter was soooo outgoing. we ended up talking for 45 minutes about life love heartbreak growth education equality travel service etc. surely, a connection of hearts. we hugged.

a regret: in April i was on a mad hunt for fresh bread it was 6:00pm and most of the bakeries were closed. i remembered one place that could potentially be open and it had to be good because ever time i drive past it the scent of fresh bread woos me. i stopped in and asked if they had any fresh bread. the shop keeper was sitting at one of the tables. he was a very old man and spoke in very broken English. he had an elementary level English workbook opened on the table. he responded brokenly that i should come back tomorrow. as i was leaving he motioned for me to sit down. to practice speaking English with him. i did not. and i will regret it eternally.

a feeling: there are times where i get an overwhelming feeling of misplace. a fish out of water. looking into the ocean not knowing how to jump back in or even if that is the right place to belong. a lull. static. suspended. tied down.