so.

i have trouble finding words when i need them most.

the word 'so', when spoken from me, is much more than a filler. it is all those things that are floating|running|swimming through my head that i can't put into words. so.

ways to feel greater than:

. listen to someone sing and play guitar. the combination of vocals and strings is not of this earth.

. eyes. find them. lock them. remember them. 

. take fears. open trash bucket. throw fears. close trash bucket.

. sing karaoke. often.

. notice trees. and love them.

. leave notes of love for strangers.

. appreciate to the point of tears.

.....

the beautiful challenge:

climbing up the mountain.

...

how did i get here?

from sitting on a pile of feathers

listening for signs in song, in prayer

in voices not there.

from friends with tear-stained cheeks

and the look of empty eyes. wells.

i've been to there and back again.

to there, where clouds hang just high enough

they're out of reach.

and i begin to believe stars are playing tricks on me.

to the death of life. a cold that pierces mind spirit soul.

but then the bringing of snow.

and renewal somehow becomes possible.

tangible. and i decide that this path was meant to be tread.

these feet were made to tread it.

these eyes were made to see.

these tears to water the earth.

hands to hold books of prayer.

and then i see the sun differently.

not untouchable, but Untouchable.

the Life Star.

and i am okay.