sewing pieces together.

andy goldsworthy

The habit of looking to the future and thinking that the whole meaning of the present lies in what it will bring forth is a pernicious one. There can be no value in the whole unless there is value in the parts.

Bertrand Russell

scribbles on an old receipt:

whole: completeness|entirety

might: power|possibility

future: unknown|dependent on "now"

now: unknown|dependent on "me"

leaving my own bodies of water everywhere i go.everywhere i stay. salty fixes.

my mind swims. i become weightless. and immersed. and Empowered, yet powerless.

and i am so small.

Hands could set me down on Earth.

so vast: i'm unnavigable. but i always hear the Voice, so the Voice must see me.

to be seen.

to wonder (worry) if i'm whole.

to wonder (worry) whether what is perceived is what i intend to be perceived.

where am i going?

where have i gone?

new stamps in my passport. 

I have been to the moon and back.

She taught me how to be small.

I have been through water.

She taught me how to "slip through fingers, but hold up a ship."

I have been through trees.

so quiet, speaking brilliance when necessary. so patient, takes its time to grow and grows stronger because of it.

and still my family: the stars.

a star for every person who has lived, lives, and will live.

i begin to remove myself from a state of worry.

no longer concerned with "whatifs" and "ohnos" and "buts" and "maybeifidothises"

forgetting about yesterday and tomorrow.

thinking of now.

remembering to breathe now.

and right now, the air is sweetest.

throwing my hands up in the air,

i untie the load (i erroneously constructed) strapped to my back.

my shoulders loosen.

i breathe in His name

and release e v e r y t h i n g e l s e.