We stood there as the light painted us.

We stood there as the light painted us.

And a thousand warm words rushed up into my mouth begging to be spoken.

The light climbed up from our toes to the stretch of our legs.

It spread across our arms and wrapped around our abdomens.

Crawled across our chests, our necks, our chins, our pulsing lips.

It reached our eyes and danced and glowed through our lids.

And still, we stood there as the light left and passed over us.

And my thousand warm words escaped unspoken. 
My cold tongue heavy. Locked.

And I’m quieter now than I was before.

we have no words for the same things.

we have no words for the same things.

and find comfort in ambivalence. the need to give name to everything has gone missing. we explain with our eyes. my tongue rests. my brain smiles. my heart knows.

this winter my impatience grew old and withered. my urgency crawled toward its shelf to retire. and Now appeared bright and modest. eyes closed, smiling.

the warmest emotion melted the boundaries of you and not-you.
of me and not-me.

the shades of blue that appear in your steps.

the trails of warmth you leave in our places.

the yous in the hanging green vines of Lucile. they lunge to touch me as i pass.

you make me lose my adjectives.

lost is found

L   O   S   T

a trove of modernist masterpieces hiding in Germany waiting to be found. 
sacked because they were thought to be degenerate art... 
or, as i like to imagine, hidden because of secret fascination. 
but still, now uncovered and discovered.

what other Unknowns are hidden.kept from eyes. 
and What can we hope is revealed.to our surprise?

of all unrealized hopes that could possibly be discovered, i hope that when It/They finally is/are, the rug is swiftly pulled out from under my tired feet. 
and instead of fumbling to the ground, i remain suspended by the zero gravity of surprise captivated by my uncovered bewilderment.

of all that is lost...
innocence
certainty
clarity
your warmth
... what i miss most is not you at all

what i miss most is not the absence of your warmth
but a home for all of this,
the extensions of my heart

the absence of your warmth
eventually became
the warmth of your absence.

what is lost is found.


F   O   U   N   D

the weight of things

tomorrow came so quickly.

i am hoping for the future to pull the rug out from under the presents weak feet. and watch it topple over itself in that sort of dumb confusion - where you know exactly what and why something is happening but try not to let it show.

and theres all the things. all the things you've picked up along the way. and in fear of missing something. or forgetting something, you've overpacked and now you're troubled by all that once delighted you. oh the weight you put in things. things so forgettable and fleeting. things asking for forgotteness. begging to be buried. imploring you to be put to rest.

but how else would you keep occupied? what would your mind do then? your heart? your spirit? your eyes? what then would you find? what clarity would appear? and how?

how would you know what to do next? or with whom? or how?

life is forever seasons

winter melts to spring despite frost's stubbornness

summer dies in fall despite sun's glimmer.

...

water dreams rain

blue cries ocean

rock marvels moon

...

this is not what i envisioned

now, where were we?

places i've been (how to measure the time)
off the map and draining my memories
here (love 'em 'til your heart leaks)
lost in Bewilderment
Fright
I Don't Know
at sea (it takes an ocean not to break)
in arms
becoming in gardens


||  sleep lightly  ||
your entirety could fall asleep for hours as your dreams run their course and then s u d d e n l y you're wide awake

all the thoughts you've kept at a distance.you've tried burying deep in the sea.

are now sitting on your chest forcing you awake. 

just. like. that.

and now, even your rest is preoccupied.

things i hope to accomplish in 2013

say little, mean lots

relearn to exercise(apply) my heart

the art of forgetting

read the books

write it down

how/when to invest importance into things

how/when to remove importance from things

start

finish

get lost

get found

understanding > understood

sleep smiling to wake up smiling

"i don't know about my love

i don't know about my loving anymore"

-James Blake

titles i knew and liked

Connor Evert's

   Do You Love Me Still

   This Is Not What I Envisioned

   We Seem To Be Drawing Apart

   Dependency, Love Of The Lost

   Adjustment Alone As Always

John Berger's

    Another Way of Telling

Paul Klee's

    Possibilities at Sea

Dario Robleto's

    Some Longings Survive Death

    Time Measures Nothing But This Love

    Words Tremble With The Thoughts They Express

    Woman Negotiates With Grief

Feist's

    The Limit To Your Love

Chopin: Scherzo B Flat Minor Op. 31

ok.

i die.

at 3:12

that sounds like:

a mom's smile,

a hug from dad,

a Confirmation,

a wave finally reaching shore,

finally coming home,

the start of a dream,

love,

a second chance,

"everything will be okay",

a sunset,

a sunrise,

tomorrow's hope,

today's joy,

yesterday's memory,

reason.

chopin.

i love you.