It Flows: stream of consciousness no.1

its Spring.

The Earth looks.smells.feels.sounds new. 

its Spring and I too am fresh and verdant.

today I felt like a Phoenix. today I am a Phoenix. 

After all the fire that I regrettably started in my own personal world, I feel anew. the fire causes regermination. so i guess i'm also a redwood. (makes fist, extends arm, pulls it back and whispers "yes!")

songs that enhance this moment of newness:

glassworks: opening by philip glass

martha my dear by the beatles

four fingered fisherman by modest mouse performed by sun kil moon

black and gold by sam sparro

montanita by ratatat

things i do that i won't stop doing and its ok because they're healthy obsessions if there is such a thing...

harmonizing. i cant stop wont stop

examine trees. it puts me at such ease. i can't explain

purchase books. i wish for shelves of books to replace all my walls

first day of spring quarter:

i walked into my art history class, half expecting i'd drop it. no way man. its incredible. we learned all about The Stonehenge today. uh-mazing. i left smiling. i left wanting to talk to people.

has that ever happened to you?

it happens to me often. i gain the strong urge to just tell you something (the collective yous).

...

what happened?

yesterday at children's classes i noticed how one of the little girls always has a smile on her face. and by always i mean it. always. so.

i said to her "you always have a smile on your face, what makes you so happy?"

and she answered in her adorably shy voice "flowers."

(an arrow through my heart.)

"well its the first day of spring so you're going to see a lot of flowers huh?" and i pointed to the cherry blossoms above us.

"i like red and pink flowers."

the wind was mild that day and the porcelain petals of the cherry blossoms fell like snow.

she tried to pick the petals up from the cement, "they.... they're like snow" she said curiously, as though she had never connected the two in her life and suddenly her eyes got brighter and looked towards the sky her smile remaining.

"what else makes you happy?" i asked

"hugs from my mom."

the eyes began to swell. this beautiful child could teach the world what they've lost. finding immense and contagious joy in simple pleasures.

i asked again and again,

"ice cream"

"rainbows"

playing outside"

why is it that as we get older we lose this? suddenly joy is gained from spending something, or gained at another's expense.

i'm committed to finding joy in the simple things.

like the way the branches are dancing from the fluid yet gentle force of the wind.

or the crescendos in this song by coldplay, "glass of water"

the yellow daffodils in my living room

laying on a grass field and feeling all my troubles crawl away

the fellow tenants in my apartment complex who where swimming their post-final cares away in the pool.

it's a beautiful day. a very beautiful day.

happy New Year :)

a

found: words

words that enhance: might(power and possibility), oneiric, invaluable, autumn, ascent, calm, equilibrium, excitement, feminine, hold, infinite, love, magic, reach, rain, impact, spectrum, synchronicity, tree, view.

favorites.

Clouds: 3 states|places|loci

Clouds: 3 states|places|loci

1

its where you begin. its always warm there. endless supply of blankets. someone always putting tea on the stove always someone to offer me tea from the stove. you have someone to sing you to sleep at night. always. and hands to rub your temples when your head needs restraining. muffling.

and there are corners that you'll never have to acquaint yourself with. corners are like open arms. at times. people to be with. people to be loud with. people to be silent with. people to be with. its always warm there, until its cold

2

when you arrive you can't stop smiling. its not warm and its not cold. you don't pay attention to temperature. because the novelty conquers all senses. you can't feel anything but excitement. even your presumptions dissipate. but then

but then. the clouds emerge. and you recall the places you've been. clouds i have sat on. and you miss. you screen memories more than you take in the present. so you do small things to satisfy.gratify what you miss. like: sitting in the poetry section of the library so you can be surrounded by Greats. watching the movie that changed your everything. flowers. sticking out your tongue in the rain. (or how tomorrow i'm probably going to drive 17 miles all the way to Vacaville because there's a See's Candy Shop that sells dark chocolate covered gingers that make everything better.) or you're up at 1:31 am and you think, well i should just stay up, because that would be something new...

things i've never done/also:things i've always wanted to do

1. do my laundry at a laundromat
2. stand in the rain until i'm not a spot dry
3. legitimately climb a tree

but there's sun. behind the clouds. the rays reach you in the form of people. the someone who sent you the letter you never imagined you'd receive. the someone who makes you want to be a better person. the someone who when you look at them|hear them|think of them you feel hope because them being in the world makes everything better. the someone who knows what to say and when to say it and also when to say nothing. the someone who shares their shoulders. the sun is warm. and now feels welcome.

and 2 is: watching my life without me at 1:00 am, knowing it makes you cry. knowing you shouldn't because once you start it you can't stop it. but doing it anyway because a) you can, b) you want to, c) you need to. and going to library and checking out Harry Potter #5 because you feel like you owe it to someone to read it even though you saw the movie first, something you still feel guilty about. and mixed cds because they are solutions to most every problem. and going to the park in the middle of the night with your best friend. and grocery shopping at 12 am on a friday night because its amazing.

3

(i don't know. but whatever it is, it lies ahead.)

Sappho Recalled to Life by the Charm of Music

Sappho Recalled to Life by the Charm of Music, Louis Ducis, 1811

things to say about this:

discovered this past summer, when i, for the first time after having visited the Norton Simon 1242831029381 times in my life, decided to view wings other than 19th Century and Modern & Contemporary.

sadly, i'm usually not interested in the neoclassical style, but this title, this concept is so incredible to me.

to be recalled to life: ok so is it that Sappho had died and the Charm of Music brought her back to life? or is it that Sappho had lost the essence and sense of life, the will to live, and the Charm of Music has recalled her back to that essence, that sense, that will?

the charm of music: exactly... the charm of music...

1. phonecall - jon brion

2. your hands are cold - jean-yves thibaudet

3. amsterdam - coldplay

4. reckoner - radiohead

5. four-fingered fisherman - sun kil moon

6. lull - andrew bird

7. le moulin - yann tiersen

8. backyards - broken social scene

9. elevator love letter - stars

10. andvari - sigur rós

11. concerning the ufo sighting... - sufjan stevens

12. prelude in D flat - chopin

13. this must be the place - talking heads

14. both sides now - joni mitchell

14. the lakes of canada - the innocence mission

15. skinny love - bon iver

i wake up.

currently (and will be for a long time) reading: This is Your Brain on Music by Daniel J. Levitin

also...

astronomer

astronaut

professional star gazer

the Moon's watchwoman

lamp shop owner

official farmer's market taste tester

professional traveler

member of the Save The World brigade

bicycle repair woman

journalist

author

Dave Egger's assistant

poet

coldplay's manager

radiohead's guitar tuner

baker

art history teacher

its been a while...

dream jobs.

florist

explorer

also Robert Ballard's assistant.

pizza tester

Demitri Martin's joke tester

plumber... (you wouldn't understand...)

radio DJ

stamp designer

chef

museum curator

art collector

oceanographer

fashion designer

white board doodler

librarian

map maker

independent bookstore owner

professional scarf wearer

architect

movie soundtrack song-picker-chooser

book cover designer

book synopsis writer

broken social scene's x-teenth member

antique book collector

a professional Huntington Gardens awestruckinresidence

mother

paint color mixer

landscape architect

nurse

storyteller

dream interpreter

sculptor

forester not to be confused with lumberjack...pshaw

piano tuner

music store owner

musical instrument teacher in elementary schools

children's book writer

owner of the Musée Rodin à Paris... Auguste Rodin, be still my heart.