things that compose my reality en ce moment.

we have autumn here... davis, november 2008

...

| i don't understand html and would like someone to carefully explain it to me. because no matter how many times i've tried to <> everything it never seems to work.

| i've made a survival mix to help me survive this week. finals = très difficile.

Survival:

a kick in the teeth - fischerspooner

is this love? - clap your hands say yeah

a forest (the cure) - nouvelle vague

sweet and tender hooligan (the smiths) - nouvelle vague

is it really so strange? - the smiths

shiver - coldplay

a warning sign - coldplay

gold soundz - pavement

for the price of a cup of tea - belle & sebastian

montanita - ratatat

gettysburg - ratatat

stay where you are - ambulance ltd

her hairagami set - the brunettes

exit does not exist (modest mouse) - sun kil moon

four fingered fisherman (modest mouse) - sun kil moon

your protector - fleet foxes

between the bars - elliott smith

passing beauty - kelsey bulkin

keep breathing - ingrid michaelson

backyards - broken social scene

| it feels like i'm trying to digest my heart therefore my stomach feels like its sinking. i haven't experienced said feeling in a long time. it would have been nice if it stayed that way. owwy.

| tomorrow is my philosophy exam. ughhhh. this class is a pain and a half. i'm just thankful the professor is so wonderful. its too bad the subject matter is so frustrating.

| its cold. and i like the cold. but its just cold.

| i wish i was handing sandwiches out...

| i miss going to museums.

| yesterday i slid across the room on my knees like an 80's hair metal rock star and it felt good. realllllly good.

| sighhhhhh...

sigh.

its always when i have the most to do that i try to do everything else.

does that make sense even? i have a french oral exam tomorrow. translate: i will be saying a plethora of prayers en français ce soir.

anyways.

when i was in China in 2005 i was sitting outside of shopping center waiting for the rest of the group and there were these adorable children playing near me. i decided to capture a few photos and when they noticed they ran over to me and demanded a photo shoot.

here's one that i love....

listen:

four fingered fisherman - sun kil moon

what It is...

it's the fact that i am brought to tears, short breaths, smiles and ascension when i hear music.

it's their paths. because i am dependent on them.

it's Your Message. because it is my air and my blood.

it's the moments between the lights turned out and the eyelids shut.

it's why it was different this time.

it's seeing the end in things.

it's a redwood forest.

it's a blanket, a couch, a movie and a friend.

it's the photographs in my prayerbook.

it's January 2008. what was taken, what was given, what was realized.

it's grandpa's hands.

it's the tuning of your guitar that takes me to a screening of memories.

it's the dreams i dreamt in Haifa. my closed eyes gazing on the Queen of Carmel.

it's meeting someone, and having your initial impressions blown away.

it's tears shed in amazement.

it's everydays.

it's looking up under trees.

it's walking through museums.

it's having my soul sewn to theirs.

it's a letter to a friend.

it's riding my bicycle at 3 a.m.

it's knowing who "me" is.

it's what i discover in being silent.

it's harmonizing to everything.

it's everything i think about on the car rides home.

it's in davis.

it's where i came from, and where i went, where i am now, and where i'll go.

thank you!

things i am thankful for:

my parents -(right now they're complimenting each other on the different dishes they've prepared for the meal... i love them!)

their personal paths in life - because if they didn't tread those paths, and didn't arrive at those specific destinations, i wouldn't be here.... and i really enjoy being here.

God - because really all of this is because of Him. and look at how incredible it is!

my friends - you give new meaning to the word friend. the value each of you add to my life is immeasurable. you know who you are. thank you thank you thank you.

my life - i wasn't always aware but i'm so happy with where i've arrived.

the future - you aren't so far away and i look forward to keep on meeting you!

trees

my eyesight

my hearing

my hands

my feet

my education

rain

bicycles

UC Davis

NABI

the snow

my roommate

food

blessings

Prayers & Meditations

WA

grandparents

Yueyang, China

airplanes

music

pianos

stars

galaxies far far away

balloons

sooo much more...

happy thanksgiving!

love love love

things i take.

i take from this the things i know i can carry. those things that i know that i can hold in my hands and wrap around my shoulders. the things i can string around my neck and tuck in the soul of my shoe. these things i don't find by chance. it is never luck.

i find these things unknowingly but with complete purpose. i have not doubt that this was meant to happen.

and here. looking into a reflection pool the size of an ocean, i see where i came from. where i am. and what i need to get to wear i'm hoping to go.

so it is these things i need and i purposefully find|have found to carry with me. to hold in my hands. wrap around my shoulders. string around my neck. tuck in the souls of my shoes. tied to the strings of my heart....

thank you.

the unbearableness of being.

how do i describe such feelings?

completely warm yet aware of the bitter cold.
sitting under the Leaves of Trees but starked branches in sight.
life really is the push and pull. the rise and fall. the tension of opposites.

i am refusing to choose between weight or lightness.
the groundedness, reality and truthfulness of earth.
but the awe, wonder, and soaring liberty of lightness.
i refuse to choose.
i live in both.